Respite for Caregivers > Parenting programs
... don’t tell me how to parent ...
Our research has shown that many Grandcarers find it very confronting when government workers and health professionals suggest they should attend parenting classes as it appears to dismiss their previous parenting experiences as somehow irrelevant, inadequate or blameworthy.
However, the reality is that Grandcarers frequently inherit significant parenting challenges that would be demanding for any caregiver. Parenting programs are usually recommended, therefore, as a way to help equip Grandcarers to handle the unique challenges associated with parenting children who may experience emotional problems, health problems, developmental problems, behaviour problems, learning difficulties, aggression and/or feelings of anger, rejection and guilt.
Children who have experienced abuse and neglect often develop ways of coping that kept them physically and emotionally safe in their parent’s home, but which present problems with subsequent carers (Macdonald, G., & Turner, W., 2005).
Parent education is seen as a way to strengthen caregivers understanding of ‘normal’ child development and to strengthen recognition that caring for grandchildren requires skills that Grandcarers may not have needed when parenting the first time around. That is, parent education is seen as a way to teach new parenting strategies and build competence in tuning into the grandchild(ren)’s developmental situation. The ability of caregivers to adapt their parenting practices to the needs of the children in their care has been found to be one of the strongest predictors of long-term adjustment.
… I make mistakes and I say things I shouldn’t and I do things I shouldn’t … … how do I rectify it … how do I avoid doing it again…
In Australia there are three major education packages available to parents and caregivers. These are the Triple P (Positive Parenting Program), PET (Parent Effectiveness Training) and STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting).
While all three programs share a number of common features...
- all were first developed from clinical research with parents and children challenged by high levels of emotional and behavioural disturbance
- all three were subsequently extended for use in the general population with parents wanting to enhance ‘normal’ child development
- all three programs have evidence that they produce positive outcomes for participants
- all three programs share the common aim to teach alternative ways of dealing with parent-child conflicts and parenting situations
- TRIPLE P is a widely available Australian program developed at the University of Queensland by Professor Matthew Sanders. The Triple P approach emphasises child management and direct behaviour change through skills such as: clear, calm instruction; logical consequences for misbehaviour; planned ignoring; quiet time and time-out. The parenting philosophy is that parents are in control, they set the rules and enforce them. How to deal with misbehaviour is a main focus.
- PET developed by Dr Thomas Gordon avoids the use of rewards and punishment and instead focuses on training caregivers in communication skills such as active listening, parental assertiveness and brainstorming and conflict resolution. The PET parenting philosophy acknowledges the needs of both the parent/caregiver and child and uses conflicts resolution skills so both get their needs met. There is no use of parental power; rather the focus is on developing collaborative, cooperative, democratic relationships between the adult and child. PET differs significantly from other education programs in how it views child behaviour as it conceptualises all behaviours as potentially ‘bad’ because any behaviour can be unacceptable depending upon the context in which it occurs. Dr Gordon outlines the PET philosophy in a paper called “What Every Parent Should Know”
- STEP developed by Don Dinkmeyer and Gary McKay also avoids rewards and punishment as disciplinary strategies for misbehaviour. Instead STEP focuses on teaching parents and caregivers how to encourage cooperative behaviour in their children and how not to reinforce unacceptable behaviours through the use of natural and logical consequences. Natural consequences are those which occur naturally. Logical consequences are those created by a caregiver in response to a child's misbehaviour. STEP differs from PET in that the logical consequences used in STEP are seen as a form of punishment in the PET approach.
The existence of these commonalities and differences may explain why education programs can appear to be the same and different at the same time and why it appears that contradictory advice is being offered.
Parenting programs: What makes them effective? (PDF)
Details of local parenting and child behaviour programs can be located in the Department for Communities guide to courses in personal, social and parental development for the greater Perth metropolitan area.
TIP:
If some choice in parent education is available, look for a program that matches your and your grandchild(ren)’s needs. The following may help you decide if a program is suitable:
- What do you want to learn from the program? For example, "I want to learn how to yell less." "I want to learn how to get my teenage granddaughter to be more respectful." “I want to learn how to talk to my grandchild about sex and drugs.”
- What does the program teach? That is, what topics are covered in the curriculum?
- Who does the program target? That is, is the curriculum for carers wishing to promote their child’s development, for carers with specific concerns about their child’s behaviour, or for carers of children with more severe behaviour problems?
- What is the program’s parenting philosophy? That is, is it relationship focused (PET, STEP) or behaviourally focused (TRIPLE P)?
- Does the program’s philosophy match your grandchild(ren)’s emotional and cognitive developmental situation?
IMPORTANT! Due to restrictions in staffing and other resources it is not always possible to regularly run all program options (e.g., STEP, TRIPLE P). Where this happens consider joining forces with other grandparents in the same situation and lobbying for a one-off program delivery of your desired option.
- Dolbin-MacNab, M. L. (2006). Just Like Raising Your Own? Grandmothers' Perceptions of Parenting a Second Time Around*. Family Relations, 55(5), 564.
- Macdonald, G., & Turner, W. (2005). An Experiment in Helping Foster-Carers Manage Challenging Behaviour. Br J Soc Work, 35 (8), 1265-1282. Retrieved March 2007. Available from http://bjsw.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/35/8/1265
- Zubrick, S. R., Ward, K. A., Silburn, S. R., Lawrence, D., Williams, A. A., Blair, E., et al. (2005). Prevention of Child Behavior Problems Through Universal Implementation of a Group Behavioral Family Intervention. Prevention Science, 6(4), 287.
- Wood, C., & Davidson, J. (2003). Helping families cope: A fresh look at parent effectiveness training. Family Matters, 65(Winter), 28-33.
